Hot Doggies! It's the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile!

During my lunch break yesterday I was honored to witness the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile in motion as it sped down Capitol Blvd. in Tumwater, Washington. Managed to get a couple quick phone photos of it. I will resist the too easy impulse to use a lot of condiment puns.

See? Every day in every way I am getting better and better.

Anyway.

One of my fantasies has always been to hijack the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile and then lead the police on a merry high speed chase. The thought of terrified pedestrians running and screaming from a giant hurtling hot dog somehow pleases my dark side. Of course I would bring a banjo player with me, who would play humorous high speed chase music during the episode. The event would end with me plowing into a hot dog stand (O the irony!).

In the 1960s there was a TV ad with a jingle for Oscar Mayer that was quite effective. I mean, here I am a half century after this bit of marketing came out and I can still recall the lyrics:

Oh I'd love to be an Oscar Mayer wiener
That is what I'd truly like to be
'Cause if I were an Oscar Mayer wiener
Everyone would be in love with me

A rather disturbing bunch of lyrics on many levels, eh? Even as a kid I wondered why would anyone want to be lower on the food chain? I couldn't figure out why people would be so desperate for a love that would only last a minute or so as they were mashed up by giant teeth, swallowed, and then forced to have their remains travel through their killer's digestive system. 

If Marmite ever hits the U.S. market with a Marmitemobile, I want to be the driver. Now that is product I can be evangelical about.

Phone photo 2545

Weenies From Another World

Portland, Oregon

Postcard - Lewiston, Idaho/Clarkston, Washington

"Straddling the Snake River and the Idaho-Washington line at the junction with the Clearwater R., Lewiston and Clarkston (beyond) are at the head of a 464 mile slackwater route to the Pacific via a $1 billion series of dams and locks on the Snake and Columbia Rivers. New grain terminals (lower center), marinas, parks, and shipping facilties are utilizing this new lake behind Lower Granite Dam 33 miles down river. The pool level is backed up the Snake R. to Asotin, Wa., (upper left). The famous annual Lewiston Roundup rodeo grounds are at the bottom of picture. Sinuous dikes line the shores."

This postcard might date as late as the early 1980s. Certainly no later than 1983. When I lived in nearby Pullman three decades ago I would visit Lewiston/Clarkston and came to regard them as the Inland Empire version of Aberdeen/Hoquiam. Televised Lewiston ads for trucks made sure to let potential customers know a free rifle would be included as a bonus with the purchase of a vehicle. I'm not kidding.  Lewiston TV in the early 1980s was a weird trip. 

One time I was a passenger on a small plane leaving from Lewiston. A live chicken was stored behind my head. As we hit turbulence over the Tri-Cities and we all thought we were going to die, the chicken was freaking out. All I could think of was, "Great. I'm biting the Big One. But do I have to do this with a chicken?"

On the other hand, Lewiston had great newspaper, with a wonderful local columnist back then. And the surrounding scenery is amazing.

The Lewiston Grade, a truly terrifying drive in the winter, complete with runaway truck ramps, is the main entrance from the north via Washington State. One time almost 30 years ago I stopped on this grade and got into a conversation with a retired mobile home tourist who exclaimed with gusto "Hot Doggies!" over something. The term stuck and I have used it ever since.