The Chester Alan Arthur Song

O Chester Arthur
O Chest Chest Arthur
O Chester Arthur
O Chest Chest Chest Arthur
O Chester, Ah-Lawn, Arthurrrrrrrrr

He learned that Roscoe was a louse
He sold the furniture in the White House
He was a dandy, his duds weren't old and worn
And it is quite possible he wasn't native born.

And when he walked into a room
Everybody said,
"Who?'

O Chester Arthur
O Chest Chest Arthur
O Chester Arthur
O Chest Chest Chest Arthur
O Chester, Ah-Lawn, Arthurrrrrrrrr

Telemark Cross-Country Ski School

The illustrations were provided ca. 1988-1989 for my friend Doug, the same real-life character who appeared in the comic How Two Ex-Presidents Went Up My Nose.

Henard Adventures

Although commercial advertising illustration isn't my deal, I have been known to draw images for the enterprises of my pals. Such was the case in 1983 for Henard Adventures. The contact here was Doug Hendrickson, the same Doug you can read about in How Two Ex-Presidents Went Up My Nose!

My scanner can't handle that obsolete old legal size, so here's a Henard poster in two pieces. In some ways this drawing was sort of a rough draft for the Woofer the Psychic Dog image I drew three years later. I can't remember why I used the name "Arnie Schwartz" when I signed my name. I made up a lot of different names back then.

As anyone who knows me well will tell you, the real humor behind this poster is that I am among the most sedentary of people. If I were a club joiner, the Diogenes Club would be the one for me.

How Two Ex-Presidents Went Up My Nose!

1st edition, 1994, 40 copies, ivory cover, regular digest size.

1st Danger Room Reprint Edition, July 2005, 5 copies, red cover, regular digest size.

I have long been fascinated by the eerie "coincidences" in the lives of presidents Millard Fillmore and Chester Alan Arthur (Arthur's middle name was pronounced "Ah-lawn" in case you wondered, and some historians believe he was born in Quebec, not Vermont. Truman claimed Arthur kept a prostitute in the White House). Arthur had made an appearance in one of the first two issues of Cranium Frenzy in 1982. I'm too lazy to look up which issue it was. In fact, it is hardly worth the effort of typing this sentence saying it is hardly worth the effort.

Anyway, I had put together a pamphlet on their eerie "coincidences" in the mid-1980s which I'll no doubt be posting here in the future. It served as the source for many of the astounding trivia bombs dropped in this comic.

Trivia:

Page 9: One branch of my relatives were big wheels in the Free Will Baptist Church. Before that, up in the Cumberland Mountains of Virginia, a part of the family were called Hardshell Baptists, they were extreme fundamentalists. For example, one of my great-grandfathers believed the Earth was square because the Bible made a reference to the four corners of the World. And yes, this was still in the 20th century. The other Virginia Cumberland branch were nonbeliever criminals, murders, black marketers, bootleggers, etc. so I guess it all balanced out.

Pages 21-23: Totally true event. I really did inhale a dead person. And people wonder why I choose a sedentary life, safe and snug within the boundaries of my own home.

Odd Size Comix #15

Published by Borpo Deets (better known as Maximum Traffic) in 1996 in Butler, Pennsylvania. It is one letter-sized sheet of paper folded twice.

At first glance this looks like a jam with Max, since he did such a good job of lifting my style on the cover illustration. But no, this is 100% Max, commenting on one of my several long absences from the whole comix network.

Actually I really did snort, by accident, the ashes of a cremated person. But that story will wait for when I post the comic entitled How Two Ex-Presidents Went Up My Nose. Max also makes a reference to my many attempts to kill Morty the Dog.

I really like the way he drew the Obscuro Plaza. That's just how it looks, too. One of my favorite places to stay.