Weird Gifts From My Brother

I try to weed these things out every once in awhile, but for years my brother Bryan has exhibited a strange taste in holiday and birthday gifts. Some examples:


Bad albums are a staple (yes, I still play vinyl). This one is right up there among the worst, Come On In! by the New Hope Singers International, "A musical collage from Jamaican calypso to the sounds of ancient Scotland to American rock." This group was sponsored by the Rev. Sun Myung Moon.


That's a picture of little Stevie sitting on a kiddie potty in Spokane, Washington back in the 1950s. The potty is adorned the head of some kind of poultry. I guess that makes it partly poultry. Get enough of these together and you can throw a partly poultry potty party.

Anyway, why is this photo encapsulated in a Kellogg's Corn Flakes place mat?


When I almost threw out this papier-mâché model of planet Earth (made by my brother when he was in grade school) as we were cleaning out the family farm in order to sell it a few years ago, Bryan stopped me and made a big deal of presenting it to me as a precious relic. And I, perhaps foolishly, accepted it.

My own name plate! How thoughtful.


Hey! Look! What every household needs, a concave Jesus face!

I think this is supposed to be something you can use in creating an illusion with light, either that or it is a really freaky gelatin mold.


My phone camera is not the greatest when it comes to close-ups. This amputee Leprechaun wasn't so lucky, apparently. Note the bloody stump. Maybe he was a leper, thus making him a Leperchaun. Also, leaving the tag with an obviously doctored inflated price is another frequent theme in these gifts as a demonstration of how "priceless" they are. In this case the cheap piece of crap was supposedly purchased for at least 22 bucks.

Ruth loved clowns so much she kept one in a jar!

Where does he get this stuff?

Santa has an array of little finishing nails in his beard. I think this is supposed to be an advent calendar, but the effect is quite creepy.


There has been much, much more over the years. I do look forward to receiving these fine items and perhaps I should start cruising garage sales now in order to return the favor next holiday season.